America (and) The Brave

This next story I am about to tell, is quite possibly the most courageous and awe inspiring story that was ever etched into the already rich and pure history of the United States of America. It's a story about seven boys; nay, seven men who crossed the Canadian/American border into the lesser known state of Montana to find cheap booze, majestic mountains and challenging nights out only to overcome all obstacles in their path and conquer the powdery mountains of Whitefish; eventually making it back to Panorama Mountain Village.

Now I'd like to leave the intellectual banter I sometimes become accustomed to when in blog mode and give you a play by play of the boys trip to Montana, U.S.A; and in fact, my first experience in the states since coming on this trip. The first memory was a little blurry as we all woke up at 4am on Monday the 1st of March to pack our gear into the cars that we had rented from Invermere for the trip. It was a strange group of boys (and only boys) that came on the trip but it was one of the best crews imaginable. We received fascinated responses from most of the Americans in Montana when they asked where we were from; expecting a simple collective response. Instead they got Nic (Sweden) Graham & Shanyn (New Zealand), Ian (Canada), Matty (French Canadian), Adam and I (Australia of course).

The trip was off to a rusty start from the beginning when the door to the Accura we rented was frozen shut and could not be opened until we backed the other car up to the lock and ran the exhaust on it until it thawed out. First stop at Tim Horton's at 5:30 saw me introduced to the simplest yet most awesome Canadian treat; the "Double Double" coffee, which despite being great at the time, didn't keep me awake and I slept for the first two hours of the trip. To keep himself awake, our driver Nic kept referring to himself as an airline, continuously sprouting lines such as "Thank you for flying Air Niklas" and "We are now approaching the border at a speed of 120Km per hour, local time is 7:30am."

I think it's safe to say American's are extremely on edge about foreigners entering their country. But after a thorough inspection of our car and passports, as well as the $6 entry fee (entry fee to the country? WTF?) we were back on track and made it into Whitefish, Montana within an hour of entering the states. Gearing up in the parking lot of Whitefish Mountain Resort, we all couldn't shake the tired eyes. Nothing a few pre-riding drinks couldn't fix. At the bottom of those Miller High Life's we found another burst of excitement and set out of what turned out to be one of my favourite mountains so far.

The mountain itself was huge. Nice and open; lots of leftover powder that went really soft under the bright sun and tree runs that were nicely spread out, allowing us to drop in wherever we wanted with lots of space to move around. Nobody held back the whole day because of the powder, which also resulted in some of the funniest bails I have seen all season and still no injuries. We stopped in at the on hill restaurant and made the most vicious discovery any individual has ever made in the existence of man. That's right; the man can. 24 ounces of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer packed into a glorious looking can, all for only $3...or lets just say $2.99 for shock marketing purposes. To go with this, we ordered two gigantic platters of nachos for only $5 each which Ian left in the alleyway outside the motel before we checked in. A giant feather in his cap for being the first of four fallen soldiers that puked on this trip, and the only one whose puke wasn't actually alcohol related.

Once settling in the motel later in the evening we ventured into the streets of Whitefish to grab dinner, experiencing a chance encounter with a lady at the Pizza place. She (like everyone else we met that day) was fascinated at our diverse group and upon learning that we were only spending the night, slipped Shanyn her number and offered to show us the town. Emily didn't really end up showing us the town but in the spirit of a boys trip we treated her the same way any other group on a boys trip would treat a lady. Not unlike the wild skunk of North America, defense mechanisms were engaged so frequently while having pre-drinks that when Emily finally finished at 10pm and came to the motel room she couldn't even greet us with a "Hi"...but instead (appropriately) decided on "It smells like dude in here". She did however point us in the direction of somewhere to go.

Before this however, came most of the highlights. The Miller High Life's that we purchased at $17 a case of 24, weren't doing the trick so we decided to go out again in search of vodka; which we found priced at $17 for a 2 litre bottle. I'm sure the current reader isn't the only reader who will be doing a double take at that, but I shit you not. I also have a new found respect for the comedy of Matt, as I have never laughed so hard at the phonetics lesson he gave, telling us how he pronounces Hippopotamus. I dare you to hear this word out loud and not laugh as pronounced by the French Canadian stud - Hip-Op-Uh-Tay-Muss. Use your best French accent for the full effect. Also, I'd like to make a special mention of Adam trying to explain the sport of Car Racing as experienced by Montanian's. "Well you get a frog...and a spoon...right? And then the frog jumps over the spoon" - Adam Hodge; "I don't get it...why is there a frog in the spoon?" - Matty.

Okay, so the time we're talking about is around about 11pm, and the next few hours are a bit of a blur (sorry Mum and Dad but we've all done it and the story has to be told in complete). The bar we went to had free ping pong, pool and ice hockey foozeball-ish style games which kept us busy most of the night. That and the $1 beers they were selling bringing our bar tab total to about $5 + Tip. The picture piece together some of the story but we walked to a bowling alley restaurant that was open 24 hours for some late night food in which I did not partake in. Instead, without shame, I asked the boys if they were finished every minute for about 6 or 7 minutes and when finding out they had only just ordered (to my surprise...even though I was at the table the whole time), left to call a taxi home. When asked where I needed to go, I said "The..." about 7 times until I finally remembered the name of the motel (believe me it was a struggle). Everything worked out fine and although I had a comfortable nights sleep, it did not help me in any way come 9am when we woke up to have breakfast and go back out snowboarding.

Everybody else in our little crew felt the same way it seemed as Matty was number two in the puke parade, casually strolling over to the balcony and letting loose all over the street. After a breakfast burrito and what seemed like the repeated slogan of the day; "I can't believe we're going riding today", we got back on the horse and up to whitefish mountain, sinking a few leftover beers along the way. It wasn't as fun as the first day as the clouds had covered up the sun making what used to be soft snow hard and icy; making a perfect setting for the death race down the hill to catch last chair. The highlight for my day was seeing an elderly gentleman with a silver "balloonist" style moustache mosy out onto the balcony overlooking the mountain range, pose in what can only be described as the "Captain Morgan" and light up a finely made, thick as all hell cigar whilst looking determinately towards the view.

The trip back was, as usual, a lot comfier and quicker than the trip there. We arrived back at Panorama at 10pm on Tuesday the 2nd of March and went straight up to the Monument Lodge Room 330 to toast a successful trip with the leftover Miller High Life's we had in the trunk of the rental cars; dreading the thought of work the next morning, but knowing we'll all get enough sleep when we're dead and buried so there's no point wasting time on trips like these.

Now you know the story of seven of the bravest young men in the history of men and how they overcame the obstacles of sleep deprivation, bodily dysfunction and sometimes dismal weather conditions to experience one of the most enjoyable trips to date. Spread the saga.

Next week...NHL hockey game! Keep reading, Yeah?